Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Dum de dum

Not much going on in these parts, sorry for not updating. Work has been hella busy, and I've been trying to get ready for my trip (in 2 days!)

The RE's office called. They want me to take Pro*vera to bring on AF, then take 4 weeks of active birth control pills. When I get AF after the pills, I'll start the injectibles again. It seems kind of odd to take bc pills when I'm *trying* to get pregnant, but whatever. It just pisses me off that I wasted all that money on birth control for so many years trying NOT to get pregnant.

Anyway, I'm kind of glad about taking the little break. Since I'm going to Or*lando this week and the Ba*hamas next month (Bahamavention, anyone?) it'll be nice to be able to drink myself into oblivion without having to worry about bringing my Foll*istim pen with me to the pool bar. Although if you think about it, it'd be a good conversation piece. Or they'd think I was shooting up heroin in public, so maybe that's not a good idea.

On a happier note, my new obsession: tanning. I know it's horrible for me, and I'm going to get skin cancer and all that, but I just love the feeling of being all warm and fuzzy after 10 minutes in a tanning bed. I've been going twice a week now, which is just enough to give me a light glow and get rid of that cursed Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Plus, as a wise person once told me, tan fat looks much better than white fat.

Monday, March 12, 2007

I've been benched

After going to the RE's every day since Thursday, the doctor decided to cancel the cycle. I have 11 measurable follicles; 2 over 15, and 2 over 14. The rest are all around 12, plus my E2 was around 750. I tried to convince them otherwise, but they don't want to take the chance that I get PG with quads. When the nurse called and told me yesterday I started crying on the phone. Felt like an ass, especially since I knew it was a possibility they would cancel.

The nurse said it wasn't a wasted cycle, since now they know how my body responds to the meds. Still, it makes me feel like the past 3 weeks of injections and worry and waiting were all for nothing. Yes, there's a possibility I could get pregnant with 4 babies, but there's also the chance I won't get pregnant at all. How do we know unless we try?

I met a friend of mine for lunch and retail therapy yesterday afternoon (couldn't have come at a better time!), and I told her it's like I've been benched without even getting to try out for the team.

On the brightside, I guess this means that now I can drink when we go to Orlan*do next week. I told Hubby to prop me up next to the pool bar and I'll be fine.

Thursday, March 8, 2007

Note to my ovaries

E2 is up to 113, lining is at 15 mm, but follies are still around 7.5. Dammit! Dr. G says it's normal for women with PCOS to take longer to have their follicles mature, so they gave me 1500 units more of Folli*stim, and they're keeping me at the 225 IU dose.
I'm leaving for Florida in 2 weeks, so if at least one of my follies isn't up to 12mm, they're cancelling the cycle because they won't be able to monitor me there. That would be just my luck. Stabbing myself with needles for 3 freakin' weeks all for nothing. We'll see what happens.

In the meantime, here's a note to my ovaries:

Listen you little fuckers! I understand that you may be hibernating for the winter, but come on! I've been pumping you with Folli*stim every night for the past 17 days, and you give me nothing! Stop being lazy and produce some decent follicles already. If I could trade you in, I would. You're useless, just floating around in there doing NOTHING. I'm *THISCLOSE* to getting a hysterectomy and saying fuck it to you and your evil ways. What did I ever do to you?

That's all.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Damn you, unmeasurable follicles!

Still no "measurable follicles"...I have a bunch of small ones, but they're all under 10mm. Little fuckers. And my E2 isn't going anywhere, so for the past two days they've bumped me up to 225 IU. God, I hope it works. I'll know tomorrow when I go to the RE and get a u/s and bloodwork.
If it doesn't, I don't know what I'm going to do. Not sure if the doc has more Foll*istim to give me, and I really can't afford to buy it since insurance covers squat for IF.

Did I mention I'm going to Orlando in 16 days? I'm excited, even though it's only for 4 days. So, given my uncooperating follicles f'ed up timing, that means 1 of 2 things. I'll either still be stimming (in which case I'll be pretty close to slicing my wrists!), or in the 2WW(bring on the Margarita's-NOT!) At this point I'm hoping it's the latter.

It makes me wonder, how long will they allow me to stim before they pull the plug? Do they just keep trying until one of the follies decides to pop? What if it never happens and I have to keep stabbing myself with needles for all eternity?!?

These are the questions that keep me up at night.